Beloved of God,
Many relationships and marriages today are in trouble because they all demands a lot of emotional investment and decisions which are taken with the heart rather than with the mind. I have seen beautiful people in ugly places and damaged people in beautiful places. No one, I mean no one, deserves to be in a bad relationship or marriage – it leads to broken hearts. And a broken heart is the result of a broken relationship or marriage that fails to stand the test of time. A broken heart leads to several deep wounds in the heart which take a lot of time to heal. A broken heart is a door to silent hell.
In the words of Leke Alder, “If you choose to marry someone you don’t love or who doesn’t love you, you married a stranger essentially. Without love couples are emotional strangers in cohabitation. The lack of love and affection will of course produce indifference, which then produces emotional torture. That emotional indifference can easily lead to adultery and hatred. Then the home becomes hell. And couples don’t have to have a shouting match before a marriage becomes hell. There are silent hells. When your spouse quietly tolerates you, you know you’re in a silent hell. When your spouse makes no complaint but won’t touch you, you know you’re in silent hell. When you and your spouse don’t quarrel but your marriage is essentially functional, you’re in silent hell. When the state of the marriage makes even the food stale and you have to swallow it, you’re in silent hell. And when you can’t solve a marriage problem however you wish or try, you’re in silent hell. When to all appearances you’re a wonderful couple but can’t stand each other you’re in silent hell. A good marriage is heaven. A bad marriage is hell. It’s that simple. Why risk putting yourself in jail for twenty years. If it’s obvious it can’t work let it be. “I want it to work” is sometimes an expression of foolishness. Don’t put yourself in silent hell. That’s not an accommodation you should go for”
You are better a deadbeat than a convict. If you can’t save your marriage, save your dignity! Walk away from anyone who tries to kill, destroy or walk all over you! No matter how hard you work to make your marriage turn out the way you want it, your partner’s behavior is not yours to control.
Brothers and sisters, I don’t know how “blessed your mess” is. I don’t know in which street of life you live. I also don’t know the challenges in your marriage and I may never know how lonely you are but I agree with him that putting yourself in silent hell is not an accommodation you should go for. You may not be man enough to handle all the drama in your marriage but you can be man enough to know when to walk away. You are better a deadbeat than a convict. If you can’t save your marriage, save your dignity! Walk away from anyone who tries to kill, destroy or walk all over you! No matter how hard you work to make your marriage turn out the way you want it, your partner’s behavior is not yours to control.
Think about your situation and always remember that a broken relationship or marriage is like a shattered vase; it may be better to leave it broken than to hurt yourself again trying to fix it.
Be blessed in the Lord’s Grace.
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