This letter is for you, you that can’t sleep, eat, breathe or think — not because you are happy but because you are unable to escape from the hurt in your heart. You that is reading this message and has been desperately seeking for a ray of hope but doesn’t know how long it will take to get your life back. You that have friends but doesn’t have anyone to talk to about the drama that’s going on in your head. You that have become a loner not because you enjoy solitude and not willing to blend with people but because people have continually disappointed you. This letter is for you, you that’s allowing loneliness to become an acid that eats away at you.
If you think this letter is for you, don’t wait for everything to be perfect before you decide to enjoy your life. Stop destroying and betraying yourself over a relationship that’s toxic to you when you should be drawing a line between love and foolishness. You can’t continue to pretend that you are in love or happy in your marriage or relationship if it is giving you sleepless nights, if it has a condition or carries requirements and if it is not voluntary, IT IS NOT LOVE. It is not love if you are still searching for a reason. It is not love when a person brings out the worst in you instead of the best.
You that’s living in silent hell and acting like love is bondage. It’s not! Real love is freedom. If you’re not free, if you feel trapped, if everything you do or say is an argument, if everything you like and every person you interact with is an enemy to your partner, you are in bondage. You’re in silent hell! It’s a controlled form of abuse. It’s toxic. It’s ugly. It’s not love BUT something else. It’s not love — it’s possession. When you love someone for his appearance, it is not love but attraction.
You that’s going from one prayer house to the other, fighting for someone’s love, be careful what you are fighting for. When you fight for someone’s love and win it, what you have is not love BUT an attachment. Love knows no ownership. Stop striven to get anyone attached to you. Stop playing games to gain or maintain control over another. Stop fighting for anyone’s love. If you have to run after it, talk it into staying, remind it of your value, fight alone for it for the both of you, issue ultimatum, or have to test it, then it is not love. Love is where you can be safe. If you love someone, but not willing to set them free when they ask to be liberated,
it is not love.
You that’s in an abusive relationship or marriage, always remember that abuse is abuse whether verbal or physical. Being hit is an abuse and no one deserves that and it is not love. If it makes you sad every day, If you have to fight to be loved, if every conversation ends in violence, if it leads to break up after every fight, if you’re always having panic attacks and not eating for days and when you do eat you throw up, it is not love. For as long as there is fear, that’s not love. If they cheat on you, lies to you, puts you down, it is NOT love. It is not love if you’re hurting. If it is destroying you then it is not love my dear. Stop trying to convince yourself otherwise. When you love someone for his intelligence, it is not love but admiration.
You that’s in a toxic relationship and feeling tied down but still in love, know your worth and get out of that toxic relationship. If they say they love you, but consistently do things that hurt you, it is not love. Repeated mistakes aren’t accidents, that’s their behavior. If their ACTIONS makes you doubt yourself, if it stifles your spaces, if it tries to remake you in another’s image, if it imprisons you, if you can’t say NO, if you’re breaking each other, if it fills your heart with pain instead of warmth each night, if it is filled with confusion and deception, then it is not love. Trust their actions over their words. If “love” leaves you wondering “why me?” If “love” causes you to appreciate yourself less and them more and if “love” creates self-hate, it is not love. It is not love to be walked all over neither is it friendship to be taken advantage of.
If they only think of themselves, know only their own needs and ignore your own needs, it’s not love. If they don’t know how to give and take without restrictions, then it’s not love but a transaction. Refusing to give your spouse or partner what they want, when it’s in your power to give it, is not love. If it is only a will to possess, it is not love. When you love someone for money, it is not love but profit. If there are no sacrifices being made then it is not love, it’s just convenient. It is not love if you do everything for someone and receive no time or appreciation in return.
You that stumbled on these vistas of hope, I want you to know that this letter is from the thoughts of a thoughtful friend to encourage you that love can wait. If it can’t, then it is not love. It is not love if a person cannot stop going back and forth between you and someone else. If they can’t love you at the best of times and worst of times, if instead of making you strong, it makes you weak, then it is not love. If it doesn’t feel good, to you or to them, it is NOT love. If it fades with time and distance, then it is not love. If it does not lift you, it is not love. Unless you can become yourself in the presence of the beloved, it is not love.
Quit crying your eyes to sleep every night if your relationship is in a blessed mess, close that chapter of your life not because of pride, incapacity, or arrogance, but because it’s leading nowhere. You can’t see anything properly while your eyes are blurred with tears.
Until tomorrow, if your intuition tells you something is off, listen and don’t go against your own heart. Love stays because it wants to. You will know it is love when you won’t have to fight to keep it. You will know it is love when you are at peace. You will know it is love when you love someone without knowing why. Love does not consider time or place. Love recognizes the moment and doesn’t let go. Take charge of your happiness today and be true to yourself. Always!
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