Set Yourself Free

Dear Someone,

This letter is for you, you that’s finding it so hard to leave someone that’s perfectly wrong for you. You that’s finding it hard to leave your abuser. You whose addiction is easier to get but hard to leave. You that has forgotten how to love but remember how to always fight. You that’s tired of pretending, pretending that you are happy even though the pain is killing you silently.

I know it’s hard to leave someone you love but one question that’s hard for you to answer is why you keep going back or still staying in that toxic relationship even when you know that you both were made to break. The answers are different and complicated and that’s why you are not alone in that street of life. There are many like you who know the truth but keep telling themselves that it’s much too late for them to leave or keep returning to their relationships. Some are there because it is so hard to believe that’s what is happening to them. To others, they are in that abusive relationship because of financial or emotional dependence. There are those who are there too because they have been abused to the point that they feel powerless and worthless.

Another reason why it’s so difficult most times is because most abusers are usually very lovely, extremely charming, can cry and can act normal 95% of the time. They are able to manage, manipulate, gaslight and trick everyone around you especially friends and families. They have friends, belong to social clubs, most likely active in Church and are so charismatic they can sell anything to anyone. They are not easily recognizable as monsters, but they are physically and emotionally abusive and financially draining. Whatever it is that is keeping you in that situation you are in, you have to understand that the void within you, the broken pieces of your heart, was all caused by them because they were perfectly wrong for you hence the reason why it’s so hard to leave. You have to understand that loving the wrong person can do enough damage to you and get you scarred for life.

You might be torn between staying and leaving your comfort zone right now because you have a joint lives with these people but please, start choosing you over them. Leave while help is still available! Don’t be agonized by the societal stigma attached to people who leave their abusive partners. Leave if you must set yourself free. You’ll enjoy life so much more without them. One day you will realize that you never needed them and you will always be complete with or without them. One day you will realize that the moment some people walk out of your life is when you will see the move and hand of God.

I know you are struggling with this but I want you to know that it is not hard to leave someone or let them go, we just make it hard on ourselves to let them do whatever they want with our lives. It’s only hard to leave because you want to fix something that’s broken and destroying you. It’s only hard to leave because you don’t want to start all over again and spend more time investing in someone else. It’s only hard to leave because you think they will destroy you with your deepest and darkest secrets. It’s only hard to leave because you think your life is in danger every day and it does in some cases. But that said, nothing is ever hard — you have a choice in any situation.

You that stumbled on this letter and tripping over someone who always has you worried and doesn’t change, you that was found in peace but now you’re emotionally scarred and in pieces, you that’s experiencing great pain as you read this, I get that it’s hard for you to leave certain situations, but sometimes you need to know when to say, “what the hallelujah!”; you need to know when to say, “enough is enough!”; you need to know when to say “this is not for me!”; you need to know when to say goodbye to the past, even if it’s still in the present; and you need to find that absolute faith in yourself and leave. Leave and be broken because you are allowed to. Only don’t allow them to break you again. Realize that you can’t get back the time you spent trying to prove you’re enough.

If you are still reading this, I have one or two more questions for you: Why are you still staying If you can no longer handle the pain that they are causing you? Why do you think that after each “sorry”, things will get better? Understand that if you keep telling yourself, “I can change him or her, he or she just needs more time”, you’re lying to yourself and that’s the worst thing you can do to yourself by staying in a toxic relationship. Realize that male or female, an abuser is an abuser. Stop trying to save them if they refuse to change and don’t die for them when Jesus already died for them once. Stop being at that place where you are only tolerated and start being where you are loved.

Quit thinking that they are going to change someday. Stop giving them excuses and stop blaming yourself for the way they have treated you. Stop holding onto their misdoings. Stop this never ending circle of toxicity that you have found yourself in. Stop forcing them to treat you right — you and their ego cannot live in the same house. Don’t allow them to manipulate you into isolation from everything and everyone. Don’t wait until you start looking like a crackhead. Don’t allow them take away every ounce of self-esteem that it took you years to form. Don’t compromise so much trying to keep a relationship that you end up losing yourself. Don’t cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it. Don’t be among one of those who find it so easy to leave the people who truly care for them but so hard to leave the people that are toxic to them.

Until tomorrow, always remember that you are not alone. There is a community of friends here who are ready to help you. And never forget who you were before them and that without them you will be stronger, better, and happier. Know your worth and walk away from that toxic mess. Don’t make yourself look worthless make yourself happy by moving on. Make yourself happy by putting yourself first and do what’s best for you. It’s never easy but it’s necessary for your own health. IF HOWEVER YOU BELIEVE THAT FIGHTING FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP WILL SAVE IT THEN DO IT — DON’T LIVE WITH REGRETS. But no matter what you do, do not throw yourself at the same person over and over trying to save it. Be brave enough to know when to say goodbye so that you can get a new hello with your life.

In Him,
~Ali Papa.

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