This letter is for you, you whose love is not accepted, given any attention and being rejected. This letter is for you if the hardest thing in your life right now is letting go of what you thought was real. I know how much you hate long letters and how pressed you are for your time but I wish you would read this.
I don’t know how many times you have tried to let go of something or someone but somehow you have always found yourself back to where it all began just when you thought you had moved on. If this is you, don’t condemn yourself and don’t think that there is something wrong with you. People do crazy things for someone that they truly love even when they know they deserve better. Besides, letting go of a loved one is very difficult for anyone especially if you have been with them for so long. It’s something that comes with an excruciating pain that cannot be skipped easily because you’ll feel every ounce of the pain from just the thought of it.
I also don’t know why exactly you’re finding it so hard to let go of something or someone that’s not meant for you but maybe you will share that with me when you are done reading this letter. If however you’re reading this letter and you’re not sure why it is so hard to let go of something or someone you still want to stay even though it’s not benefiting you mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually, here are a few reasons that I have discovered.
You could be in so much pain in your soul and yet you are finding it so hard to let go because you are holding on to something that ceases to be yours. It could be so hard to let go of someone so good because of the comfort they provide. You are probably finding it so hard too to let go of someone that doesn’t want you in their life because of the number of years the relationship has lasted and the time and resources invested into it. No matter how heavy it feels like for you right now, you are finding it so hard to let go probably because of your age. You just turned 30, 35, or even 40 or more and you’re worried sick and tired of answering questions from your family members and friends about when you are going to settle down.
You could also be holding on to someone who is so awful to you because you think if they leave no one will ever love you or accept you for who you are. You may also be holding on to them because they were the first to ever accepted and loved you despite your physical scars or emotional instabilities. Though your heart is breaking, you that’s reading this letter but you won’t let go of them because you think they are the only ones qualified to help you in fixing your life. To another, it’s possible that you are right now stuck with someone that no longer serves you but you are wondering and asking what is making it so hard to let go. Well, it could be that you have become so accustomed to being around and talking to each other or you’re holding on to them because they are dangerous to you. While for some, they are all you know and are used to.
Whatever it’s that is preventing you from letting anyone go, I want you to know that you can’t force anyone to remain in your life because love is never enough to make a relationship last. That’s why they say life happens for you, not to you. You are not responsible for what you are given in the game of life but you are responsible for what you do with what you are given. You are responsible for what you say or do and not what they did to you. They might have left you but you are responsible for what you do next. You are responsible for what you think has been dished to you — fair or bad. Philippians 2:5 (TNIV) says, “In your relationships with one another, have the same attitude of mind Christ Jesus had” and Proverbs 23:7 (TLB) says, “Their kindness is a trick; they want to use you as their pawn. Make a choice and allow God to reveal in you which bridge to cross and which bridges to burn.
Irrespective of how unfair you have been treated, you’re responsible for the feelings you allow into your reality. Don’t allow that break up to isolate and keep you from true friends. You are responsible for what you allow to influence you. That’s why you love who you want to and not whoever loves you. The one that left you might have contributed to how you are feeling right now, but they don’t own it and you’re responsible for what you allow in your life. Don’t put yourself in pain by staying stuck to somewhere you don’t belong. If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be chasing people who don’t love you either.
One of the best things you can do for yourself is to learn when to stay and when to let go. That’s love! It’s about knowing your worth and being with people who value you for you. Many of us have been heartbroken, dumped, betrayed, hurt, left on the street to cry, emotionally damaged and physically exhausted time and again trying to be in love. There are many who have also loved and lost with zero time to heal but sadly, there were many that didn’t survive them — some committed suicide while others lost their lives fighting a battle they should have delivered themselves from. Make up your mind to stop chasing a man or woman that’s chasing after someone else. It will cause you emotional damage. You were never created to live depressed.
While it is necessary to hold on to and fight for the one you love, fight for your marriage and fight a good fight of faith, there comes a time when you have to choose between turning the page, ending the chapter or closing the book. There will come a time when you have to choose between what is good for you and what’s not. There comes a time when you have to let your story go on, the way you chose. There comes a time when you have to take all that love that you were trying to give to someone and volunteer with it, by loving the unlovable, reaching out to the less privileged, and sharing the good news of God’s saving power.
You will know it’s time to let go when you start asking yourself, “when do you know it’s time to let go?” When you keep on losing with the path you’re choosing and you’re being held back, it’s time to let go. When the one you have tried everything you can for has refused to change, then it’s time to let go. When you have given all of you have and you’re at a point where you have nothing more to give, then it’s time to let go. If the pain of holding on in your relationship is greater than the pain of letting go, then it’s time to let go. Let go of what’s behind you, and make room for what’s ahead of you. Stop trying to recycle what God is trying to replace. Isaiah 43:18-19 (CEV) says, “Forget what happened long ago! Don’t think about the past. 19 I am creating something new”.
When communication fades to constant arguments, it’s time to let it go. When you constantly have to tell someone how to treat you, let them go. While it might be easy to forgive those that have hurt you, learn to let go of all the pain or hurt anyone has caused you otherwise you will continue to get hurt. When you keep being mistreated and you formed a habit of saying “I’m used to it”, that’s a lot to deal with, it’s time to let go even if you want them in your life. You will continue to lose yourself until you love yourself enough to understand that you deserve something healthy. Come to terms with the fact that no matter how good you’re to them, if you’re not the one, there’s nothing you can do about it.
If you are doing something that doesn’t bring you passion anymore even after you’ve done all that you can, it’s time to let go. Don’t wait until you are at the point where you are emotionally drained that sleep doesn’t do anything again. Go out there and enjoy your life, do the things you love, and choose your own happiness. When you keep being unappreciated and you begin to tell yourself “It’s okay”, that’s a denial of your happiness and love. Get honest with yourself and let them go. Stop staring at yourself in the mirror with tears streaming down your face and wondering what you have done wrong. Let go and stop looking back to what you have already lost.
When you are being undervalued day in and out, let them go instead of allowing yourself to waste so much of your emotions trying to be enough for them. You can’t continue to pretend that you are happy when you are in pain. If they’re holding on to their pride, their family name, their tribe, their ego and their excuses instead of holding onto you, and to what you both shared then it’s time to let go. Let go and accept the fact that some people just don’t want to grow up, and that’s okay. When you start having a nervous breakdown each time you remember what you are going through or how toxic they are to you, then it’s time to go. You will know it’s time to let go when the tears begin to outweigh the smiles.
Thank God for everything that is happening or has happened knowing that He might be saving you from something that you have no clue about. If you’re not content with Christ, you won’t be with someone else. That relationship was for a season and it happened for a reason but now that it is over, it’s time to let go. It doesn’t matter if it’s the hardest season you have ever experienced, you will get through it if you allow God to help you. Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4, 6, 8, 11 (CEV) says, “Everything on earth has its own time and its own season. 4 for crying and laughing, weeping and dancing, 6 There is a time for finding and losing, keeping and giving, 8 There is also a time for love and hate, for war and peace. 11 God makes everything happen at the right time. Yet none of us can ever fully understand all he has done, and he puts questions in our minds about the past and the future”.
It’s time to let go of the trauma you’ve been carrying around in your body because of how love makes you feel. Don’t lose yourself trying to save someone, a relationship, or a friendship. It’s time to let go of your past and excuses. If your partner doesn’t love you anymore, release them and free yourself of the drama associated with the breakup. Don’t keep hanging on to them because of the comfort they provide. Let go of the fear of the unknown and all of your self-doubts about moving on without them. People will hurt you, leave you and take you for granted and that’s fine. All I am asking is that you love yourself, know your worth and keep God by your side. Don’t go around trying to pay them back, vengeance is the Lord’s. Don’t go to bed crying your eyes to sleep, you can get through anything. If you will pray about your situation, your soul will tell you when to stay and when to let go.
Letting go doesn’t mean you’re a quitter or that you have given up, it doesn’t mean that you have lost, it doesn’t mean you don’t care about them anymore, it doesn’t mean loving less or necessarily being over it. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them. It doesn’t mean you have forgotten how they treated you and all the trauma they have put you through. Letting go doesn’t mean you have lost faith in God’s restoration power. Letting go is a realization that the only person you really have control over is yourself. Letting go is a declaration that you can’t force anyone to love you. Letting go is accepting that there are some things that are not meant to be. Letting go is saying you can do and survive without them. Letting go is saying God has not given up you and you haven’t given up on yourself too. Letting go is saying you have refused to let your past define you. Letting go is thanking God in advance of what He is trying to save you from. Letting go is your own way of releasing them to find the happiness you couldn’t give them. Letting go is you preventing your past from ruining your future. Letting go is realising that you can’t afford to lose yourself trying to love someone else. Letting go means the damage no longer controls your life. So be strong enough to walk away from what’s hurting you, and be patient enough to wait for the blessings you deserve.
The journey ahead requires new energy and wisdom to strive for progress rather than perfection. Let go of the fear of failing in that new adventure or relationship. Let go of the fear or criticisms. Let go of the emotional pains. Stop defining yourself by your past trauma. Let go of those things that are not bringing you joy. Let go of everything you fear to lose. Let go of the fear of not being good enough for anyone. Your love for anyone doesn’t mean they are supposed to stay in your life forever. No matter how much you love a person, no matter how much you give them your time, resources, attention and love, they’ll leave when they want to. They’ll leave when their part in your life comes to an end. Accept it for what it is and move on with your life. Find peace with yourself and let go of any guilt. Forgive yourself, as well as all those who wronged you along the way. You aren’t defined by any of it. Let go of things and people that are toxic to you. Let go of what was and have faith in what will be. Things don’t have to be in your control for it to work out for your good. LET GO OF YOUR WILL AND DO HIS WILL. You just never know how strong you are until you dare to let go of something you think you can’t live without.
As I conclude this letter, I want you to know that I consider you to be a positive friend in my life, and when you are done reading this, just know that no matter what day it is, today is your day. While you might see this as your #TuesdayMotivation, to others it might be something much more than that. Whatever this letter is to you, Let today be the day you regain that strength to let go, move on with your life and make peace with your past. Accept responsibility for what you allow because your relationships are a reflection of your relationship with God. If you have the consciousness of who you are in Christ or who God is to you, you won’t lose sleep over those who left you. God will give you what you want as long as you believe in him and yourself. It doesn’t matter if God sometimes put a Goliath in your life, it’s not for you to be defeated but for you to find the David within you.
Philippians 4:6-9 (TLB) says, “6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs, and don’t forget to thank him for his answers. 7 If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus. 8 And now, brothers, as I close this letter, let me say this one more thing: Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely, and dwell on the fine, good things in others. Think about all you can praise God for and be glad about. 9 Keep putting into practice all you learned from me and saw me doing, and the God of peace will be with you”.
Until tomorrow, always remember that God knows exactly what you need. Just because they don’t like you doesn’t mean God won’t bless you. Don’t force the pieces that don’t fit and don’t forget who you are, what you have become, and how you’re outgrowing who you have been, but most importantly, let go of anger, bad energy, negative thoughts and what no longer helps you grow. It will make you breathe again.
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