Loneliness Is Not Your Lot

Dear Someone,

This letter is for you, you that is sad, lonely and feeling not loved enough. You that’s not at peace in your heart because of how love makes you feel. You that’s depressed because of the bad memories from your past relationship that are flicking in your head like a film. You that’s lonely because the person you cared about has become a stranger. You that is lonely because you are living in a house with someone you used to love. You that’s having likes on social media but don’t feel loved in real life. You that can get comments on your posts but can’t get a friend to call you. You that have suffered a lot for love, had ups and down and have become a comfortable loner, this letter is for you.

It’s possible you might have been blessed in your life to have had great relationships and probably less than great relationships before you stumbled on this letter but if somehow, you and loneliness have become good friends, I want you to know that everyone experiences loneliness in their lives. You might not have chosen loneliness because it probably chose you, BUT being lonely doesn’t equal to not being good enough. Being lonely doesn’t mean you are “totally” alone. You can be with someone and still be lonely. Being lonely doesn’t mean you don’t have friends. Being lonely doesn’t mean you should settle for less. Find peace in being alone today instead of seeking happiness in people. Let the absence of the one that left you teach you how to live without them. It’s part of moving on. And just because you miss them doesn’t mean you need them in your life. Don’t allow how you are feeling right now be an excuse to leave your door open for the wrong person to come in.

I know it’s hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember on a day like this BUT that shouldn’t be enough for you to let the weight of loneliness bring you down. It shouldn’t be enough for you to let fear or loneliness keep you in a manipulative situation. There are enough upstream battles in life already, don’t let your LOVE for him or her be one of them. Of all the things that you stress about today and always, LOVE shouldn’t be one of them. You are not on the scene or that street of life to be weak and emotionally paralyzed. Deuteronomy 31:6 (MSG) says, “BE STRONG. TAKE COURAGE. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you.”

It’s time to start believing in yourself again. It’s time to be strong and courageous. You’ve survived a lot in your past already and you’ll survive this too. If you need to waiver on anything and make compromises do, but LOVE should never be one of them. Your LOVE for anyone shouldn’t be one of your problems and if you see it as inconvenient, what you feel isn’t love. If over time everything in your relationship has become mundane, your LOVE for anyone shouldn’t be one of them. If it does become so, you were never meant for each other. There are too many ordinary things in life and LOVE shouldn’t be one of them.

BE STRONG enough to walk away from whatever it is that is hurting you, and BE PATIENT enough to wait for the blessings you deserve. As you do, don’t ignore your heart and intuition, it knows best. Don’t try to force a connection with anyone just because you want to be with them. Don’t try to force anyone to be who they aren’t just because it serves your purpose. Don’t try to force a date just to fit a trend like Valentine’s Day. Stop trying to force things that aren’t meant to be and stop seeking for perfection in that relationship. If you are desperate for a relationship with anyone, it shows how broken your relationship with God is. If the people you have chosen don’t want the same lifestyle or future with you, choose differently. Sever every connection until they choose differently. True and real love shouldn’t be one-sided — they’ll find you when they’re ready.

Let today be the day you regain the strength you need to let go of anyone. Let it be the day you decide to move on with your life from anyone who has refused to accept your love or given it any attention. Let it be the day you decide to start avoiding all unnecessary drama in that relationship. If the one in your life is so toxic, and they’re contributing to you feeling miserable and depressed day in day out, you need to kick them out of your life. You need to deliver yourself from it if your life with them has become a silent hell.

Letting go of something or anyone is hard and not an easy thing to do because I have struggled with it myself at some point in my life but if you need to let go of anyone, let them go! And if you are one of those that wanted to know at what stage and under which circumstances in your relationship should you decide to turn a page, end the chapter or close the book, I will be sending you a separate letter shortly with the answers to that.

I know it’s hard to let go of things and people you love dearly, but you don’t need to hear their excuses or what they have to say, or wait for it to make sense because their actions already spoke the truth.

I know it’s hard to let off people that you have given your life and all to, but being single is better than being in a relationship with someone who fills your heart with doubt.

I know it’s hard to let go of the good old days, but life goes on, it begins at the end of your comfort zone. You have beautiful days ahead of you.

I know it’s hard to let go of someone you love but you need to do this for you — a righteous companion is better than loneliness. It is better to be alone than to be with the wrong person.

I know it’s hard to let go of that time and energy you gave to them, but love shouldn’t be one-sided. Be careful not to fall in love with their potential. They may never change.

I know it’s hard to let go of someone you did everything and your first-time things with, but you’ll never be good enough for someone who isn’t ready.

I know it’s hard to let go of the physical memory of someone, but stay strong knowing that true love doesn’t hurt, it heals. Don’t allow their physical attraction to become a major distraction to you.

I know it’s hard to let go of people who once meant something to you and have become toxic energy around you, but it is harder dealing with it your whole life.

I know it’s hard to let go of an abusive lover, but you are strong for doing it. You change, you grow, you move. But be certain, because love demands certainty.

I know it’s hard to let go of your “first love”, but there is so much more out there. It’s not worth it selling yourself short.

I know it’s hard to let go of some people, but it’s necessary for your own sanity. If the one that left you truly cared for you, you wouldn’t be alone right now crying over him or her.

If you find yourself feeling incomplete today, don’t settle for a lifetime of loneliness if the one in your life is destroying you. If their presence in your life makes you more miserable than they make you happy, let them go and count it all joy knowing that there are not enough mountains on earth to be moved for them that will change the situation. Someone once said that “some people will not hear you regardless of how much, how loud, how truthful, how loving, or how profound you speak. Wish them well and let them go.” It’s true! Wish them well, let them go and don’t be blinded by the happy memories you once shared with them.

If you’ve repeatedly given them several chances, and they don’t appreciate it, let them go. If your life is at stake, or you are living your life in constant fear and always on edge, then let them go because it will cost you too much. Letting them go doesn’t mean you hate them. It doesn’t mean you are not aware that God hates divorce (see Malachi 2:16) especially if you are married. It doesn’t mean that you lost. Letting them go doesn’t mean you stop caring, loving or praying. It doesn’t mean you are a bitter person or that you’re weak. Letting go means that you are strong enough to know your worth. It means you care enough that you want to see both of you happy even if it’s not together. It means that the only thing you really have control over is yourself.

The silence of loneliness might be very deafening right now as you read this letter but this is not the time to start asking the one that left you or the one that doesn’t value you what you need to do to make them want you or appreciate and love you. It is better to be with nobody than with the wrong person. So guard your heart today and wait for the one who will treasure it because you are precious to God. And who knows, maybe the reason why God let them walk away was that you prayed for a good partner, and they were not it. While letting go of anyone might cause you to be lonely for a time, I want you to know that loneliness is better than an evil companion. Proverbs 18:24 (TLB) says, “There are “friends” who pretend to be friends, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother”.

As you know, I don’t have all the answers to why it seems like life is so unfair to you. I also fully don’t understand why you are emotionally suffering this much since I am not in your shoes, but I am familiar with walking a difficult path and that is why I am sending you this letter today. Let it be your #ThoughtForTheDay. Let it serves as a reminder that you are not alone. Let it serve as a reminder that it doesn’t matter who has forsaken you, God will not forsake you. He is pleased to make you His own (see 1 Samuel 12:22). Let this letter serves as a reminder to you that though loneliness is real, it’s brutal and a dangerous feeling especially on a day like this, BUT it’s nothing to fret about.

If seeing those around you happy, laughing, hugging, and singing is helping to reinforce your emptiness and loneliness, don’t allow it to cripple you spiritually, physically and emotionally. Don’t allow loneliness to become your favourite cup of tea. Don’t get comfortable with it — it’s detrimental to your health. Don’t let it be a part of your everyday life. Don’t become desperate because loneliness is kicking in. Don’t let it become your best protection — loneliness is not better than love. Don’t allow it to wrap its cold arms around you and drag you down to its dark abyss. Don’t let it be your condolence — it’s not your destiny. Don’t let it be your disease — you were not born with it. Don’t let it be what keeps you awake — it’s not your curse. Don’t allow it to kill you — the world needs you.

The power of loneliness is what you give it, therefore, encourage yourself in God’s Word. Allow this loneliness you have found yourself in help you to discover who you are in Christ. Let it help you to learn more about yourself, your boundaries, and what you want most in a partner. Let it give you a voice and not make you a victim of other people’s poor choices such that if you see anyone struggling, you are able to give them a big hug! Let it be a source of profound spiritual insight. Let it help you to stop looking outside yourself for your worth. Banish it by going out on your own and doing what you want to do most.

Never think that you are not without help — Jesus is your present help in that lonely place. He understands loneliness, he knows what it is like to be lonely. Nothing that’s happening to you today is a surprise to Him. Isaiah 53:3 (CEV) says, He was hated and rejected; his life was filled with sorrow and terrible suffering. No one wanted to look at him. They despised him and said, “He is a nobody!”. I don’t know who or what is causing you to see yourself like a nobody, whatever it’s, offer that loneliness up to Jesus as an offering today because He has promised never to leave you (see Hebrews 13:5). He also said Matthew 11:28-30 (TLB), 28 Come to me and I will give you rest–all of you who work so hard beneath a heavy yoke. 29 Wear my yoke–for it fits perfectly–and let me teach you; for I am gentle and humble, and you shall find rest for your souls; 30 “for I give you only light burdens.”

When David was lonely, he didn’t give up on himself, he called upon the Lord. He said in Psalms 25:16 (TLB), “Come, Lord, and show me your mercy, for I am helpless, overwhelmed, in deep distress”. That should be your attitude too. If you have a relationship with Him and The Father, you will know that loneliness is not your lot! You will know that He will heal and fill your heart with His love if you will only allow Him! You will know that He is able to place in your empty hands, His own hands of healing, forgiveness, compassion and love if you will allow Him. You will know that He is your healer, your driver, your guide, your Lord and Savior! You will know that if no one else understands, He does. You will know that if everybody else fails you, He will not. You will come to know that you shall not want, fear and be lonely ever again! You will come to know that those who leave everything in God’s hand will eventually see God’s hand in everything.

Today, more than ever before, may God override what you want, and give you want HE desires for you to have. May God heal your broken heart, you that don’t feel like waking up this morning. May God give you a reason to smile today, you that is going through a lot but hiding behind smiles and laughter. There’s some laughter coming to you, that you’re not going to be able to explain. You that is in pains, feeling lonely, and asking “why me and what should I do?”, may God reach out to you and help you in that situation. May God comfort you, you that is feeling alone and thinking that loneliness is all you have left — your past is getting ready to pay you! May that pain and crippling loneliness be over for you in Jesus Name.

Be encouraged,
Ali Papa.

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