You Can’t Fix Something That Wants To Stay Broken

Dear Someone,

This letter is for you. You that loved too much and broke your own heart trying to please everyone. You that keep trying so desperately to fix others, but forgetting to fix yourself. You that keep praying for the one you love and forgetting to fix yourself. This letter is for you, you that’s not contented because you’re too busy fixing others to the point that you are forgetting to fix yourself.

While life is about loving God and loving people, you are probably already a badly broken person that should be facing your own sizable demons. Don’t destroy yourself and don’t break your own heart trying to fix others — it is a futile exercise that will only lead to frustration. People don’t want you to fix them. It isn’t your job!

Let go of the need of trying to fix someone that’s not ready to be fixed. It doesn’t make you a bad person and it’s not incumbent upon you to remain in situations that are harming you. It doesn’t matter how much you try to pour your heart into theirs and tried to fill it, it still won’t be enough to cause the one that doesn’t want to stay in your life to stay. So stop letting others bring you down to their level and refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.

Listen, it’s not your responsibility to fix your spouse, partner or friends. It’s not your responsibility to try to change anyone because you don’t know what’s good for them as much as you think you do. It’s not your responsibility to fix that family member that’s out of touch with reality. It’s not your responsibility to fix that man or woman that’s making your life a living hell.

People can only change for themselves, not for anyone else. It’s not your responsibility to fix that friend or colleague that’s choking you. It’s not your responsibility to fix a broken person that refuses to accept help or placate to their absurdity. It’s not your responsibility to fix anyone whose emotional life is taking them to dark places and behaviours.

You can’t fix something that wants to stay broken neither is it your responsibility to fix someone that’s not healthy for you. Stop chasing people and being the one trying to fix their bad attitude, obsession, infidelity and everything that’s wrong about them. Quit falling in love with the idea of loving someone who does not love you. Accept that some chapters in your life and those in it will have to close without closure. There’s no point in losing yourself by trying to fix what’s meant to stay broken. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else.

Understand this, you don’t tell an old man to leave the sun — they will leave when they can no longer take the heat. Some people will not change unless they have reached their bottom place. Some people will not change until they are fired from that job or position. Some people will not change until they have lost everything they have ever worked for. Some people will not change until a lot of time has passed.

Always remember that some people will not change because they lack the self introspection in order to make any changes about themselves. Some people will not change until they are caught. Some people will not change until they are ready and want to change. Some people will not change until the pain of not changing exceeds the pain of changing. Some people will not change until God personally strikes their hip. So the question for you is — when will you quit trying to do the right things with the wrong people?

I don’t know what and who is draining you emotionally as you read this letter but I want you to know that it’s your responsibility to stop yourself from breaking even more. It’s your responsibility to save yourself first by spending time working on yourself. We all have enough in life against us already, don’t be against yourself but be strong enough to fix yourself. You’re not a personal baggage dumpster for anyone, stop trying to always be the fixer, the go-to for support and help. Work on you and save what energy you have for you. As your company changes so will your destiny.

There are some things and people that God is calling you to disengage from because they’re holding you back from what He has in store. Stop making them your project and start working on yourself. Stop trying your best to make that friendship or relationship work if the one you are in a relationship with or in love with is abusive and toxic to you. You can’t fix them no matter how you try, ONLY God can. Besides, Jesus has already died for the one you are trying to kill yourself for. Just as a broken hammer can not fix a broken nail, so also can you not fix anyone if you are suffering from trying already.

As you grow, you will learn that no one can fix you but yourself and everyone else only helps you as they pass by. Make up your mind today to cease from your struggles in that relationship, you that’s guilty of losing yourself trying to fix your partner or spouse and allow God to give each of you a fresh start (Psalms 145.14 MSG). Instead of trying to fix people, pray for them, hold them in light and let them figure things out for themselves. This is the biggest gift you can give them.

Until tomorrow, always remember that the only person that needs fixing is you. Don’t lose your life because someone leaves your life. Don’t let the person who didn’t love you, keep you from the person who can. Don’t go around taking on the responsibility of making everyone happy — everyone is responsible for their happiness. So before even trying to “fix” others, do yourself a favour and “fix” your own self first. Not everyone will understand, support, or celebrate where God is taking you. Sometimes, you have to lose people to gain purpose but in the end, you are the only one who can fix you.

As you take charge of fixing yourself from today, may everything that gives you hope and peace of mind for a better tomorrow not be taken away from you. May God preserve all that makes you thank Him all the days of your life. May He increase more of His grace and blessings that will make you be what you are destined to be.

Be encouraged,
Ali Papa.

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