Stop Putting Your Self-esteem In The Hands Of Others

Dear Someone,

This letter is for you, you that is stranded somewhere between wanting them back and letting them go. You that’s wondering if you should mend it or let it go. You that is thinking that he or she is probably just the right person but wrong timing, or maybe because you’re just too messed up emotionally to be loved by anyone. This letter is for you, if you think I am writing about you. I hope that you will continue reading?

I know you want me to give you answers as to why people do the things they do. I am sorry to say that you may not get them, at least not in this letter. You won’t get them because life isn’t a TV episode in which everything gets neatly wrapped up with a satisfying conclusion.

Whatever it is that you are dealing with today, understand that everybody has a motive, everybody! Stop dealing with people’s actions towards you, deal with the motive behind their actions. If somebody doesn’t invite you for a meeting, figure out why rather than taking an offence that you were not invited.

If you give all your love to someone but they reject you, figure out why rather than taking an offence that your love and care was rejected. Never make it about yourself. You were not rejected because you aren’t enough. Your love was not reciprocated because you were not enough. It’s because they can’t accept it at the moment.

If someone is cheating on you, figure out why rather than playing with your life, fighting them and potentially putting your life at risk. Figure out why rather than continuing to fall for them when you already know they no longer feel the same. Figure out why and stop putting your self-esteem in the hands of others.

If someone is not responding to your messages, figure out why rather than allowing your mind goes through a complete overload and taking an offence that your messages were being ignored. To some people, silence is the perfect answer for anything. See it for what it is and move on with your life. Stop looking for excuses to talk to him or her again just to be sure they have had enough time to come up with the right words to either charm and flatter you or say for you both to settle.

Never allow anyone to take away your desire to search outside of yourself for an answer that can only be found within. If you were cut off, ghosted, and dumped in a very nasty way, figure out the motive behind it and why it happened rather than wishing you could get an apology from them.

If your spouse, friend or someone calls it quit, figure out why rather than taking an offence and asking if you both are lovers, friends, acquaintances or enemies. Rather than asking if it was because they saw a side of you they never knew existed within you, figure out how they were able to let you go so quickly, how everything you shared, the love you had together with them just somehow disappeared in an instant.

Don’t drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why stuff happened the way they did. The way you choose to see what others have done to you creates the world you see. Today more than ever before, don’t be a prisoner to things you can’t change. Let go of what could have been. Let go of how you should have acted differently. Let go of what you wish you would have said differently knowing that if someone wants you, nothing will keep them away, but if they don’t want you, nothing will make them stay!

Understand that you can’t change your past either can you change your experiences and opinions of others about you. Your mistakes are yours, own them! Your choices and its outcomes are yours, own them! The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it knowing that life is for living, and not for stressing.

There’s an end and there’s always a start to everything. Good seasons end and bad seasons end. In whichever season you’re as you read this, I encourage you to trust yourself, pray and have faith for the journey knowing that to pray is to let go and let God take over (Philippians 4:6-7). Don’t ruin a good season by thinking about a bad season. Don’t grieve over what you’ve lost, let it go! You’ve survived a lot already, and you’ll survive whatever is coming.

I know that letting go is tough for you since there are days you can’t stop thinking about him or her and other days you’re wondering why you’re wasting your time. The truth still remains that if you want to be free, all you have to do is let go. There is absolutely no one on this earth that can do this for you, but you. So go ahead and make peace with yourself, with how nasty they were and how badly they treated you.

No matter how messy your blessed mess is, something good is out there, just over the horizon. No matter how strong you think you are, respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy. No matter how long you both have been together, sometimes you have to walk away from what you want to find what you deserve.

I pray that you find peace with whatever you are dealing with today.

In His Grip,
Ali Papa.


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