You’re Not Meant For A Sissy

Dear Someone,

This letter is for you, you that was left and abandoned because they felt there was nothing left in you. You that is almost choking to death on the thought of them being with someone else. You that is feeling like you are going to die every time it dawns on you that you are never going to have him or her back in your life again. You that have become your own blanket and your blanket has become you.

This letter is for you, you that is thinking that his or her heart may not have any space for you again. You that is still wondering how they can easily let go of someone they said they love the most. You that is making excuses and playing the victim card for the one that left you for another person. You that have come to realize that getting no message from me the one you love is also a message. You whose heart gets heavier day and night looking for how to get your ex back into your life.

I know you are emotionally invested, attached, drained, exhausted, fragile, wrecked, bleeding, scarred, still trying to heal and still unable to see clearly. I also know that your relationship is meant to be your “peace”, BUT I want you to understand this: no one can take away or snatch your partner from you without their consent in one way or another. Your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend is responsible for the choices they made. They are responsible for opening “unnecessary” (depending on your narrative and what your partner dislikes about you) doors for someone to have that one chance of snatching them from you.

While you can’t stop other people from trying to snatch your partner, you need to understand that if you’re in a committed relationship and someone can snatch your partner from you, then he or she was never yours, to begin with. Rather than saying that someone has snatched your partner, see it for what it is — your partner chose to leave you. Rather than saying that someone has snatched your partner, remind yourself that sometimes God doesn’t always send you exactly what you’ve prayed for. He might send someone your way that will lead you there. Rather than getting mad at the other person, you should be mad at your partner. But why should you even be mad at your partner when you should actually be happy that God is saving you from what will destroy you eventually.

When you constantly complain about the person that is now with your ex, you give away your power and give him or her all the credit. When you constantly complain about the person that is now with your ex, you create a story of that of a victim in your head and in the minds of everyone that keeps you stuck. When you constantly complain about the person that is now with your ex, you forget that life is too short to continue down a path of unhappiness. When you constantly complain about the person that is now with your ex, you are simply wasting the person you are, wishing you were someone else.

It doesn’t matter if your partner is every reason, every hope, and every dream you’ve ever had. If they make you feel unimportant, stop chasing them. It doesn’t matter if they have moved on to other people, allow them to be — you’re not meant for a sissy, a weakling, a push over or a coward neither are you meant for a partner with low mental attitude. It doesn’t matter if all they have given you are traumatic stress. If you are hurting yourself, then stop chasing after them. It doesn’t matter how useless and worthless they have made you feel. If they don’t care anymore, stop chasing after them knowing that someone who is serious and fully invested in you and your relationship will not cheat on you.

If your partner who is supposed to be your peace, best friend and soul mate is letting you know that your peace is been threatened, if they are letting you know that they want to leave, then protect your relationship if you have to. Otherwise, release them rather than begging them to stay. Release them and be willing to walk alone knowing that many who started with you won’t finish with you. Rest knowing that if this person is meant to be in your life, all the open doors and windows in the world will not make them leave you for another person.

If the one person you love so much is no longer interested in you, stop chasing after him or her. Respect yourself instead and shift your focus from what was so that you can be healed. Stop the blame game so that you can think right. Forgive yourself and anyone in your past so that God can write a new story for you. Trust yourself knowing that you’ve survived a lot, and you’ll survive without him or her in your life.

Give yourself permission to dream beyond your current circumstances. See every event of your life including that break-up, as a catalyst and an invitation to greater clarity, growth, and freedom. Psalms 147:3 (NIV) says, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds”. Instead of walking around in shame because someone left you, use the time you have now without them to learn from your mistakes and become an adult. Refuse to allow those should’ve, would’ve and could’ve to consume and prevent you from finding someone who loves and choose you over everyone else, under any circumstances.

Learn to choose “you” over anyone else because you are not ordinary. 1 Corinthians 7:23 (CEV) says, “God paid a great price for “you”. So don’t become slaves of anyone else”. If you find yourself around people who no longer appreciates you, my advice is to get around the people who do. When you know your worth you do not settle for anything less. When you know your worth from the inside out, you will glow with confidence and be the sought after in your relationship. When you know your worth, you will be at rest knowing that God has been where you are trying to be.

When you know your worth, there’s just no way you will allow yourself to be marked down to be dumped for another. When you know your worth, you won’t seek validation from anyone because no one can make you feel worthless. When you know your worth, you won’t waste your words begging anyone to stay in your life. When you know your worth, you won’t allow anyone to treat you less than what you deserve. When you know your worth, you will stop being sad about losing relationships with people. When you know your worth, you will realize that someone is also waiting for a chance to snatch you from your partner too.

I know it will be very difficult for anyone to fully understand how tough and painful this season of your life is for you, but always remember that how you feel now, that anger, that loneliness, that frustration, and that suffering will not last forever! It will not last eternally, but it will come to an end one day. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 says, “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal”.

You that stumbled on this letter, and can’t seem to find the right words to express your emotions, stop crying and stop hiding your face! Stop blaming yourself and stop blaming your partner and who they choose to be with! Stop living a defeated life. I know and understand how lonely it is whenever someone you love and care about becomes a stranger but that’s not enough for you to put up with them if they are reckless with your heart.

You that is reading this letter and looking for someone to talk to, someone to trust, someone to believe in, someone to love again, and someone to have the time of your life with, I want you to understand that God is closer to you in that situation. He is closer to you more than ever. He will not allow you to be defeated. He will perfect all that concerns you. That emotional pain, shame, and heartbreak, they all came to pass — they are temporary. It ended for me, and yours is coming to an end too. And when the time is right, He will send someone your way that will love you like no man or woman ever could.

Until tomorrow, I want you to promise me something. Promise me you will stop blaming anyone for your breakup. Promise me you will stop seeing yourself as a victim. Promise me you will take good care of yourself. Promise me you will trust God more than you trust yourself. Promise me you will stand up and keep your faith fighting your trials. Promise me you will never give up. Promise me you will not shrink yourself in order to make others feel comfortable. Promise me you will give love a second chance. Lastly, promise me you will not lose that smile.

As you continue to cling to Him by faith, it’s my prayer that “the nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter” — Psalms 30:5 (MSG). It is my prayer that God will send someone your way that will be a source of joy and peace. It is my prayer that He will send someone your way that will appreciate the things that someone else took for granted and took advantage of. It is my prayer that God will send someone your way that will speak His Word into you in Jesus Name.

In Him,
~Ali Papa.

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