This letter is for you, you that haven’t been on a date in a long time. You that is asking yourself daily if something is wrong with you. You that is forever wondering how that all your friends were able to stay happy in long term relationships and you are not. You that’s trying to figure out where it all went wrong. You that doesn’t have a social life anymore. You that is 40 and always feeling like you are 60. This letter is for you, you that don’t know why you think you are unlovable.
I want you to understand that sometimes things happen not because God hates you, not because you are not qualified, not because you have done something wrong, not because you are unappreciated, not because of your past mistakes, but rather because what you see as negative situations, what you see as unjust or bad acts, bad behaviour, bad attitude, bad lucks, bad breaks and delays, are actually working in your favour no matter how painful they came to you or how bad they make you feel. What you are seeing as bad luck might just be God’s way of redirecting you towards a better path according to Romans 8:28.
Understand that sometimes, things happen not because the people who happened to be in your life have bad intentions, but because they did not think it through properly before treating you the way they did. Sometimes things happen, not because the people in your life needed to teach you anything or grow you, but because life can be unfair sometimes. That’s why we are told in Ephesians 5:15-16 (NIV) to be very careful, how we live — not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity. Why, because the days are evil.
I know how easy it is for anyone to focus on the negatives in their lives and start complaining about what’s not working out for them, but always, always, remind yourself that things happen most times not because the people in your life are evil, but because they are ignorant. Remind yourself that sometimes things happen not because you’re unlucky but because you are blessed by the very circumstances that have come against you. Remind yourself that God knows what is best for every relationship including yours.
Irrespective of how love has made you feel before today, irrespective of how many times you have tried and failed to make things work out for you, irrespective of the sad song you are singing in your marriage or relationship right now, understand that there are no sad endings if you trust the Lord with your situation. Psalms 55:22 (MSG) says, “Pile your troubles on God’s shoulders — He’ll carry your load, He’ll help you out. He’ll never let good people (you, the one reading this letter), topple into ruin”.
Allow God to help you and to direct your path. Allow Him to carry this emotional load that is weighing you down. And while you keep trusting God for a partner, and waiting for true love, understand that not everyone is going to like you and not everyone that looks like it, is it. Understand that not everyone is going to be right for you and not everyone that can talk can put their words into action. Understand that not everyone has the same kind of heart as you do and not everyone that comes into your life will stay. Understand that a relationship is a commitment not everyone is willing to have.
It doesn’t matter if you’re above 40 years old already. It doesn’t matter how broken you’re emotionally, and how unfair you might have been treated before today. All I want for you to enjoy your own company and learn to love yourself rather than allowing your heart to be troubled unnecessarily. Learn to love yourself, knowing that you cannot control the behaviour of an unreasonable, illogical, self-involved, rude, passive, aggressive, narcissistic and prideful person that happens to be in your path or in your life.
Learn to love yourself rather blaming yourself. Learn to love yourself rather than depending on other people to make you happy. Learn to love yourself rather than abandoning yourself for people that are not qualified to love you. Learn to love yourself rather than looking for love in all the wrong places. Learn to love yourself rather than looking for someone else’s approval. Learn to love yourself rather than blaming yourself for things that aren’t in your power.
I know it is usually the hardest thing to do, but you owe it to yourself to love yourself. You owe it to yourself to become everything you were meant to be. You owe it to yourself to discover who you truly are. You owe it to yourself to protect your space. You owe it to yourself to stop beating yourself up over why your relationship, marriage, or friendship with others doesn’t seem to be working out well for you. You owe it to yourself to never forget that life is so much better when you learn to love yourself rather than seeking it from others to fill a void.
It’s safer to learn to love yourself rather than spending all your time trying to fall in love with someone else, you that is forever wondering how all your friends were able to stay happy in long term relationships. It is safer to learn to love yourself rather than being your own worst enemy, you that is trying to figure out where it all went wrong.
Stop looking for another version of you because nothing is wrong with you and nothing will ever be wrong with you in the eyes of the one that’s meant to love you and accept you for whom you are. That’s not to say you should continue to put on a bad attitude expecting an angel to come and praise you for it, but with the right attitude and mindset, nothing will ever be wrong with you in the eyes of the one that’s meant to love you.
The reason why you haven’t found an answer, you that don’t know why you think you are unlovable is because you are actually lovable. You can only realize this when you learn to love yourself rather than reject yourself. You can only get to know this when you can truly share your love with others, rather than constantly trying to get love and avoid the pain of rejection. You can only get to know this when you start loving the unlovable. You can only get to know this when you are able to forgive the unforgivable and able to bear the unbearable. Most importantly, you can only do all these if you have the love of God in you.
Walk in courage this season of your life, knowing that the Lord has you through and through, forever and always. If you don’t, you’re going to have a hard time in life especially if you let every breakup, every closed door, every failed marriage, every heartbreak and little mistakes bother you, you that is trying to figure out where it all went wrong. And until you decide to learn to love yourself rather than continue to reject yourself, you that haven’t been on a date in a very long time, you will continue to fall hard and be rejected, sad, vulnerable, heartbroken, left alone, left dumbfounded, and let down.
Until tomorrow, be true to yourself and to God. Be true to yourself and to others. Be true to yourself and to your feelings, despite the heartbreaks, the loneliness and hardship you’ve been through. Don’t worry if someone doesn’t like you. Don’t worry about who is against you and who is pretending to be for you. Be true to yourself by loving yourself so much that you don’t have to look for love.
Be grateful for this hard, lonely and painful times, they can only make you stronger. Don’t pack your bags yet, don’t give up on yourself and don’t give up on love. Most importantly, don’t give up on God. Have faith in Him, knowing that He will direct the right person to come into your life at the right time. And when you pray, believe! Matthew 7:7 KJV says, “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:”
May His strength come to that place of weakness for you today. May you always be at the right place and at the right time. May He give you a new start from that place of brokenness. May He restore you to favour. May He answer your prayers without delay. May today, this season and year, be all that you need it to be in Jesus Name (1 Kings 13:6 MSG).
In His Service,
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